Should believers befriend people who are homosexual?

In regard to homosexuality, many believers and churches struggle with the question – should believers befriend people who are gay or lesbian?  A vast majority of churches teach that homosexuality is a sin.  Additionally, many churches believe that the church leadership or membership should not consist of believers who are openly gay or lesbian.  Does this mean that believers should avoid any friendships or business relationships with anyone who is gay or lesbian?

Jesus Christ taught us to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:31 NIV)  However, the Apostle Paul seems to contradict Jesus by saying “…you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral….” (I Corinthians 5:11 NIV)  Where does this leave believers in their desire to live a life of holiness?  Should believers separate from themselves from anyone who practices homosexuality, whether they are former or actively gay or lesbian?  What about family members?  Should believers separate a child, sibling or close relative from their lives, just because they are gay or lesbian?  Do you apply the same principle to your coworkers and/or business partners?

Obviously, believers are instructed to love everyone as themselves, but where do you draw the line.  Do you have two separate groups of friends – your church friends and your non-church friends?  In other words, you often find many dedicated believers who go to church every week and listen to messages about love your neighbor as yourself, who in turn go out into their respective communities with the message of Christianity and reach out to people, some of whom who may have a gay or lesbian lifestyle.  However, many of these same believers seem to face a chokepoint as they ponder the idea of bringing their gay and lesbian neighbors to their churches.

For example, as you might attend your favorite church for years, you hear your pastor tell you to invite visitors for the next week’s service.  However, what happens if you bring in a visitor who may look or act different than the other existing church members, such as bringing in one of your gay or lesbian friends?  In some church circles, you just might find yourself wishing that you brought along your kneepads, as a figure of speech, since the leaders may threaten to throw you out the church’s doors…along with your guest visitor.  Realistically, most people do not literally get thrown out of churches for bringing in someone different than the status quo, but far too often church members get privately counseled with strong verbal suggestions on the type of people the church leadership thinks they should or should not bring to their respective churches.  As a result, many believers have groups of friends, outside of their church friends, who they would never invite to their churches since they do not want to stir up the pot, per se…even though, deep down inside, they sincerely want their non-church friends to join them in their churches.

How then do you answer to the question – should believers befriend people who are gay or lesbian?  What if some believers have a set of friends who are gay or lesbian, separate from their church friends, both of which they intentionally keep separate from one another to avoid controversy.  Does this mean that the believers are possibly leading two separate lives and going against the teachings of the church by quietly associating with gay and lesbian people...while still being an active member of their respective churches?

The Apostle Paul does a great job at explaining where believers’ convictions should stand concerning their friendships and business relationships with anybody outside of the church, with the following words.

“What business is it of mine to judge those outside of the church?  Are you not to judge those inside?  God will judge those outside.” (I Corinthians 5:12-13 NIV)

In summary, believers should absolutely consider becoming friends with their neighbors and associates, even though they may practice homosexuality, unless those people have an obvious detrimental effect on them or their family members.  Nevertheless, we should treat our gay and lesbian family, friends and associates the same as we would anybody else.  As believers, we still need to stand by our personal convictions and ensure that our personal lives reflect those values, as well as keeping our churches and church-based organizations accountable to the teachings found in the Word of God.  However, when it comes to our friends, family and associates outside of churches, believers need to focus on making a difference in people’s lives…while depending on God to make the changes.

Should churches accept members who are homosexual?

So often believers do not want to address the topic of homosexuality in churches, because of their concern of mission creep…or the notion that once you open one door of Pandora’s Box it may cause a chain reaction of events leading to the collapse of the overall integrity of the local church.  In other words, many churches fear that if you allow any perception of acceptance concerning homosexuality, you are trying to open the doors and set the groundwork for activist groups to expand their progressive views into the church – which has already happened in different churches and denominations.

 

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul taught against sexual immorality with the words, “…a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough” and believers should “…not to associate with sexually immoral people.” (I Corinthians 5:7, 9 NIV)  Does this mean that churches and believers completely avoid any discussions about homosexuality or associations with people who practice such things?  What about people, who are going to church to find answers about homosexuality or who may have friends and family members who may be gay or lesbian?

Well, should any church even be concerned about the issue of homosexuality impacting their churches?  Realistically, if a church has a governing structure where the whole congregation or selected group of leaders can vote on doctrinal changes to the church, any new supermajority voting group can have a major impact on the voting trends and future direction of the church, whether positive or negative.  What happens if a small church decides to bring in a larger majority of its new members from the gay and lesbian community, who may have a possible interest in making the church accept their lifestyle?  In reality this happens, just look at the example of the Episcopal Church in voting to accept openly gay and lesbian clergy/members.  The same principle can apply to church sponsored groups too, such as several leaders from the Boy Scouts of America recently voting to allow openly gay scouts within their troops.

   

One of the most important things believers need to remember is differentiating between the issues of sin and the people involved in sinful behaviors.  The issue is not necessarily people who are gay and lesbian, but rather the practice of homosexuality.  In the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he explains the importance of why believers should stay focused on confronting issues, not necessarily people, as he quotes the words of King David – “In your anger do not sin….” (Psalms 4:4 NIV)

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.  ‘In your anger do not sin’.  Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”  (Ephesians 4:25-27 NIV, italics added for emphasis)

Obviously, churches and believers need to confront the sin of homosexuality.  Otherwise, without accountability, churches and organizations can fall into the trap of trying to please everyone, while possibly ignoring and/or forgetting about their basic founding principles found in the Word of God.  In the Apostle Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he clarifies why churches should remove and separate themselves from any members who have the audacity to call themselves believers, while openly advocating any type of sinful behavior – to include sexual immorality – with the following words.

“But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler.  With such a man do not even eat.” (I Corinthians 5:11 NIV, italics added for emphasis)

The Apostle Paul makes it clear that churches are not to accept believers who are openly gay or lesbian, or advocates for any other sinful behavior, into its membership.  However, in no way does this mean that churches should excommunicate every person who may have homosexual tendencies…especially those who are seeking out churches in their spiritual journey to learn more about God’s love.  On the contrary, churches should embrace people from the gay and lesbian community and treat them as people, while at the same time not condoning their lifestyle or compromising the teachings found in the Word of God.