How should people prioritize their lives for healthy relationships?

People are always looking for ways to find peace in their lives.  There are endless books available on how to find the perfect husband, how to find financial security, how to find happiness, and so on.   A lot of people will give you different answers to happiness, be it trusting in God, having a good church home and/or being part of a family.  The question remains though – how should you prioritize your life for finding peace?  How you prioritize your life will determine a lot about your future happiness in regard to relationships, especially your relationship with God.  Prioritizing your life, according to the precepts found in the Word of God, is one of the most important things you can do to find true peace and happiness.  Thus, you will set the groundwork for establishing healthy relationships.

The most important priority is honoring God by putting Him first in every part of your life.  God spoke the Ten Commandments through Moses, to include the First Commandment – “You shall have no other gods before me.” (Exodus 20:3 NIV)  Moses later spoke the following words of encouragement to his predecessor Joshua and the people of Israel as they prepared themselves for their journey into the Promised Land.   “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV)  Jesus Christ further reassured His disciples with the words, “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:26-27 NIV)  In other words, if you place God first and follow His instructions, you will have the security of knowing that God will be by your side, helping you persevere through your lifetime of challenges as well as accomplishments.

The second most important priority is honoring God by fulfilling your family commitments.  In the Fifth Commandment to the people of Israel we find the words – “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12 NIV)  In the Apostle Paul’s letter to the believers in Colosse, he outlines the following instructions for Christian households.  “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.  Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.  Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossian 3:18-21 NIV)  As a believer, you have an obligation to take care of your family, and your responsibilities change as you go through various stages of life.  As long as you place God first in your decision making process, your family will reap the benefits of having someone grounded in something bigger than him or herself…they will have a loved one grounded in the teachings found in the Word of God.

The third most important priority is honoring God by helping others to learn about His grace.  The words of the Fourth Commandment say, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.” (Exodus 20:8 NIV)  The author of Hebrews instructs believers to continue coming together as a group of believers, or as a church, for the purpose of glorifying God. (Hebrews 10:19-25)  In the Apostle Peter’s first epistle, he leaves the following instructions on how we should live for God and help others learn about His grace, especially within a church.  “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” (I Peter 4:10)  In the Apostle Paul’s first letter to the believers in Corinth, he uses several chapters for describing how the Holy Spirit has entrusted believers with spiritual gifts for serving others. (I Corinthians 12-14)   Jesus Christ has instructed us to love our neighbors as ourselves. (Matthew 22:39)  As a believer, you should bring glory to God by utilizing your God-given individual talent(s) and spiritual gift(s) as a means of sharing your faith with others. 

In conclusion, prioritizing your life for healthy relationships coincides with you finding peace.  First and foremost, you have to take care of your individual relationship with God by placing Him first and foremost in everything.  As for a second priority, once you figure out how to prioritize your own life, you can take the Godly principles you live by as an individual and apply those same principles to better fulfilling your familial commitments.  As for the third most important priority, once you begin to understand how the Holy Spirit works through your own life and family, you can better help others learn about God’s grace by serving in a church and sharing your faith through your own personal testimony.  The Apostle Paul makes it clear that a Christian leader needs know how to manage his or her own family before taking care of other people, with the rhetorical question – “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church? (I Timothy 3:5 NIV)   Overall, the initial step for starting healthy relationships rests with each of us, as we seek God’s will for our lives.

How should people balance their lives for healthy relationships?

Relationships are a vitally important part of society.  It seems many people are often trying to find an ideal balance in their personal lives, whiles others will compromise who they are just to attain a certain goal.  In today’s world, most people interact with others on a regular basis during the course of their routine activities.  However, when it comes to close personal relationships, there tend to be certain traits (or lack thereof) that brings friends and family together as well as push them apart at times.  What can you do to find that even balance in your life to help ensure healthy relationships with others?  Below, you will find three areas of your life that are essential for making you a better person as well as have better relationships with others.  In like manner, you will need to find an even balance between these three areas in order to find a true peace within yourself.

For starters, you must make God the center of your life.  Otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for a disaster.  Without God as your firm foundation, where do you find stability in your life?  By being dependent on others?  Following the current trends?  In the New Testament, we find James describing how confused people can be when they are not grounded in the Word of God.  To describe this confusion, James uses the analogy of a man looking into a mirror who immediately forgets what he looks like after stepping away. (James 1:23-24)  The Apostle Paul also describes confused believers as individuals who are “…tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming.” (Ephesians 4:14 NIV)  In the Book of Proverbs, King Solomon does a great job at explaining how you should make God the center of your life.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV) 

The second thing you need to do is find a well-suited niche and/or occupation where you can become a functional part of your community.  Otherwise, you may become co-dependent on others.  Throughout the Word of God, we find that people were generally an active part of their communities…be it tradesmen, farmers, wives, and so on.  Of course there were others who were less fortunate such as the widow, the fatherless, the alien, and the poor. (Zechariah 7:10)  In the Apostle Paul’s letter to Timothy, he gave certain provisions for believers to provide for their relatives who are truly in need, in order that the church can help those who are truly in need. (I Timothy 5:16)  On the contrary, the Apostle Paul gave a harsh warning against idleness in his letter to the church of the Thessalonians.  “We hear that some among you are idle.  They are not busy; they are busybodies.  Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat.” (II Thessalonians 3:11-12 NIV)  In other words, you need to take an active role within your community, whether you are working in an occupation or profession, being a “stay-at-home” parent, dedicating your time to taking care of a loved one, going to school or just plain enjoying your childhood or retirement.

The third thing you need to do is take time for yourself, otherwise, you may self-destruct.  Jesus Christ often withdrew himself from the crowds and went to quiet places and prayed. (Luke 5:16)  The author of Ecclesiastes tells us not to forget the rewards of our work and labors with these words.  “I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.  That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil – this is the gift of God.” (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 NIV)  Your life does not revolve around just working and/ or serving others, but it also entails taking care of yourself.  Essentially, you need to have hobbies and/ or interests that you take the time to enjoy, regardless if your friends or family members take any pleasure in them.  Your own personal hobbies and/ or interests are what make you unique…they make who you are as a person.  Conversely, losing your individuality and a sense of being who you are could easily lead to many personal problems, such as depending on other things or people for happiness and/ or disconnecting from others.  Therefore, remember to relax and take the time to do things you enjoy in helping ensure you maintain your sanity.   

In closing, remember to keep an even balance in your life for your own benefit as well as others within your sphere of influence.  The three key areas that require equilibrium with one another are having God as an integral part of your life, finding a niche where you can be a functional part of your community and taking time for yourself.  Embrace the things that make you unique as a person.  Similarly, maintain your integrity, and avoid compromising your character, by remaining grounded in the Word of God.  Once you find that even balance in your own life, you can have healthier relationships and friendships with others by ensuring you have a well-balanced life that brings out your own unique qualities as well as emulates God’s peace.

How do spiritual gifts and individual talents relate to the position of a pastor?

Spiritual gifts and individual talents are sometimes downplayed as being of secondary importance when it comes to the selection of a pastor.  Just read many pastoral job descriptions and you will find that the requirement of a college degree often trumps many of the other prerequisites, to include spiritual gifts and individual talents.  Many times the college degree does not even need to be related to the church or the ministry…just a degree is needed.  What could be the reason behind this?  For starters, churches normally want competent leaders and a college degree can be easily quantified.  On the contrary, spiritual gifts and individual talents as well a person’s character are more difficult to measure.  What kind of messages do many churches send to the world by requiring secular standards for a religiously-oriented vocation?  Is the ministry limited to white-collar workers?  Should blue-collar workers not even bother applying?  So what importance does the role of spiritual gifts and individual talents play in the selection of pastors and church leaders?   

What are spiritual gifts and individual talents?  Scripture teaches that the Holy Spirit baptizes a new believer at the point when he or she acknowledges Jesus Christ as his or her personal Lord and Savior.  When the Holy Spirit baptizes the new believer, commonly known as the baptism of the Holy Spirit, He uniquely gives to each believer a spiritual gift or gifts for the common good of the overall church. (Matthew 3:1-2, 11; I Corinthians 12:3-7)  In similar manner, people are born with individual talents, or skills, that they normally use for the betterment of society.  As people grow older and are given opportunities to try new things, they will normally gravitate toward certain hobbies, professions and/or interests where their natural-born skills can be applied in a constructive manner.  Often times, people seek out mentors who help them find their God-given talents as well as their niche in life.  As a result, we should have a much better world full of people who are passionate about doing things they love, be it working in a trade/profession, raising a family, helping others or some other contribution to society.   

How do spiritual gifts relate to pastors and church leaders?  In the Apostle Paul’s instructions to Timothy, the overall theme for an overseer’s qualifications focuses on a person’s character being above reproach.  In addition, the text indicates that the overseer should possess the spiritual gifts of shepherding, teaching, and leadership. (I Timothy 3:1-5) What is the importance of a pastor possessing all or part of these spiritual gifts?  The spiritual gift of shepherding, or guiding others, is when the Holy Spirit guides a believer to watch over the spiritual welfare of others and bring them into fellowship with one another.  (Ephesian 4:11)  The spiritual gift of teaching, or instructing, is when the Holy Spirit guides a believer to help others learn about the Word of God and applying it to their lives. (Romans 12:7; I Corinthians 12:28-29; Ephesians 4:11)  The spiritual gift of leadership, or governments, is when the Holy Spirit guides a believer to diligently guide others and/or an organization by perseverance and adherence to the Word of God. (Romans 12:8; I Corinthians 12:28)  In other words, spiritual gifts have nothing do with anything we can accomplish our own (e.g., training, schools), but rather the Holy Spirit empowering our lives as vessels of God’s work. 

How do individual talents relate to pastors and church leaders?  Basically, individual talents can be used in conjunction with spiritual gifts.  Take for example, God chose David while he was a youth tending sheep and the Spirit of the Lord empowered him in applying his skills (or talents) for becoming the king of Israel.  (I Samuel 16:1, 10-13)  In the New Testament, Jesus Christ chose two fishermen – Peter and Andrew – and used their fishing skills with the words, “Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” (Matthew 4:19 NIV)  The same applies today, someone may have natural carpentry skills and God may empower that person with the spiritual gift of apostleship, or being an ambassador, for the purpose of spreading and relating the message of the gospel to individuals in different areas of the world.  As a result, the person may decide to be a missionary carpenter building churches, hospitals, or like manner in another region of the world.  Apply this same scenario to the function of leading a church and you will find an unlimited number of ways God can empower pastors with spiritual gifts via their individual talents, be it God-given natural talents and/or learned trades/skills.  

In summary, one of the primary goals of the church is teaching people how God can change lives through the power of the Holy Spirit.  In keeping aligned with this premise, we need to remember the importance of the example that the pastor sets for the congregation, in that the qualifications of the pastor tend to set the precedence for various supporting roles within the church.  Therefore, we should avoid pigeonholing people based off their occupations, especially whether they are white-collar or blue-collar workers.  Look at how the people in the synagogue judged Jesus Christ’s wisdom, referring to Him as a blue-collar worker – “What’s this wisdom that has been given him…Isn’t this the carpenter?” (Mark 6:2-3 NIV)  Instead, we should try following the standards that God spoke through the Prophet Samuel concerning King David.  “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (I Samuel 16:7 NIV)

How does church governance impact the choice of a pastor?

One of the commonly overlooked aspects for hiring a pastor is the impact a church governance style can have on the hiring process.  Just take a look around at the churches within our communities and country.  Some churches have lifelong pastors while others seem to have a different pastor every few years.  In churches with a hierarchical system, the same situation often occurs as some overseers are appointed and/or hired into lifelong positions while others serve only for a set period of time.  So how does church governance impact the choice of a pastor as well as the potential candidates who may apply for the position?  What are the likely scenarios when you apply the pastor selection process to the three major church governances, be it the papal, presbyterian or congregational style?  Basically, whose vested interest is at stake – the church, the pastor, or both?  Additionally, how does this impact the overall direction of the church?

In regard to the papal system, the pastors and/or church leaders often fall into two different categories, depending on whether the church is completely independent or part of a hierarchical body.  In regard to the independent church model, many of the pastors and/or senior pastors of these churches are the actual founders of the church, or the predecessors who have been appointed by the original church founders.  Many of these individuals attain the pastoral positions as a result of the merits of their efforts applied in initially founding and establishing the churches.  Likewise, pastors selected and/or appointed into a hierarchical system often follow the same pattern of progression for attaining their respective leadership positions.  Overall, one of the major drawbacks to the papal system is the reality that some church pastors and leaders may be susceptible to the temptation of choosing future leaders based off their own personal agendas, rather than God’s will.  Conversely, pastoral leaders in a papal system often have a long-term vested interest in their respective local churches, which provides leadership stability for the congregants.  Furthermore, the church leaders have the freedom to cast long-term Biblical visions for their respective churches, without the impending fear of being dismissed or removed from their pastoral position by a disgruntled board member or group of board members. 

Concerning the presbyterian system, pastors and church leaders are often appointed and/or hired by a presbytery or group of church elders.  The great thing about the presbyterian system is that the group of elders usually consists of well-rounded believers who have a concerted interest in safeguarding the direction of their respective churches, especially from local perspectives.  In similar manner, many pastoral candidates may appreciate the opportunity to discuss a church’s long-term vision with a core group of elders, rather than the whole congregation, in order to prevent disruption within the church.  On the contrary, many churches may be limiting themselves by trying to choose “perfect candidates” from outside the congregation through the prism of their church elders’ religious views, instead of waiting for the Holy Spirit to work in the lives of possible future leaders from within their churches.  Likewise, many pastoral leaders may find themselves compromised when they try to cast long-term visions for their congregations, since the long-term fate of their pastoral positions lies with the very group of elders who appointed and/or hired them.

As for the congregational system, pastor candidates are often selected by a pastor hiring board and the congregation later comes together to cast their individual votes for approving/ disapproving the selected candidate.  On the surface, the congregational system seems to allow for everyone to get their vote on who they prefer to lead their church.  However, the reality of the matter is that most church members only get to vote during the final selection process of the pastor, not the entire selection process.  On the positive note, church members have the opportunity to participate in decisions concerning the welfare and direction of the church. Ideally, as a result of every member being allowed to vote on church matters, the vested interests of the congregation should remain preserved.  Realistically, many congregational-style churches have encountered the opposite results – church splits.  What happens to hired pastors in these scenarios?  Unfortunately, some church members may potentially fall into the trap of choosing a pastor who teaches what the congregation wants to hear, rather than a pastor who teaches what the congregation should hear.       

In conclusion, church governances can have broad impacts on the type of individuals churches choose for its pastors, be it lifelong pastors for their congregations or different pastors every few years.  What message are our churches sending to our communities?  Do pastors represent the short-term, disposable needs of our churches or do pastors play an integral part in the long-term vision of our churches?  We need to take heed to the Apostle Paul’s words to Timothy – “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine.  Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” (II Timothy 4:3 NIV)

Should churches hire pastors from within or outside the congregation?

The process a church uses for appointing and/or hiring its pastor(s) is a very sensitive issue for many people.  Basically, the way a church chooses a pastor often serves as an indicator of the church’s short and long-term goals.  Likewise, this same selection/hiring process tends to reflect the churches position on leadership, whether its leaders must be groomed by a higher affiliation or denominational structure or if the possibility exists that the Holy Spirit may raise up leaders from within the congregation.  As a result, people often ask the question – are local churches watching out for welfare of their religious affiliations or denominational institutions, instead of the spiritual welfare of the people in their surrounding communities?

As for short-term and long-term goals, such as starting a church, a religious affiliation or denomination may decide to select/hire a “church-plant” pastor whose primary purpose is to move into a community and start a church.  During this initial process or short-term goal, many of these “church-plant” pastors will utilize the individual talents and spiritual gifts of believers from within the community for establishing the church.  In a sense, people are often drawn to the newly “planted” churches because of the opportunity to get involved and share their individual talents and gifts.  However, as these new churches grow, the true intentions and long-term goals of the parent affiliations and/or organizations that helped finance the churches tend to be exposed.  Unfortunately, when the need for hiring a full-time pastor and/or additional pastors arises, too many of these newly “planted” churches feel compelled to look beyond the community members who helped establish their churches and only hire pastors from outside the congregation who have been groomed by of the respective parent religious affiliations and/or organizations. 

As for a contrasting scenario, an individual or group of individuals who have a passion for reaching others with the message of Christianity may also decide to start a church in a community-- - without the financial support of a religious affiliation or denomination.  During the start-up process, the church is funded solely by the founding individual(s) as well as anybody who contributes to the cause.  In similar manner to the religious affiliation/denominational church plant, this “church-plant” will also utilize the individual talents and spiritual gifts of believers from within the community for establishing the church.  As these churches grow, many of these founding church leaders will decide to trust in the work of the Holy Spirit and appoint/hire people as pastors from within their congregations, while others may consider appointing/hiring people from inside and/or outside the congregation.

Of course, there are many pros and cons to the two aforementioned “church-plant” scenarios.  The most obvious is the availability of funds, or lack thereof, to start a church.  Having the financial support of a religious affiliation or religious denomination is a definite positive when starting up a church.  However, the same scenario may prove to be a negative as the church grows and the pastor finds him or herself limited by the institutional bureaucracy.  On the contrary, starting a church without the financial backing of a religious institution could be perceived as a huge negative.  Conversely, if a pastor manages to start a church in this scenario, he or she will have the potential to experience the unlimited freedom of following the guidance of the Holy Spirit…especially in the appointment and/or hiring of pastors and other church leaders.

In summary, we need to ensure that the criteria for hiring pastors, whether from within or outside the congregation, falls in line with the overall purpose of the church – reaching everybody with the message of Christianity. (Matthew 28:18-10)  In similar fashion, churches must never lose sense that the spiritual welfare of the people in their surrounding communities takes precedence over religious affiliations or denominational institutions.  Otherwise, what message are we sending to our communities?  As for a closing thought, Jesus Christ was not limited by any religious bureaucracy --- rather Jesus Christ chose his disciples to follow Him at where they were in their normal lives, not necessarily their religious vocations.  (Matthew 4:18-22)