Should children obey their parents?

When it comes to obeying parents, there is often differing views among Christians in how they believe children should respond to their parent’s role of God-ordained authority.  Some Christian parents believe that their children should be in total submission to them, regardless of the situation.  While other parents believe their role is to lead and mentor their children.  So comes the question, how should children respond to their parents in these various situations?

In the Old Testament, the Fifth Commandment – of the Ten Commandments – instructs the Jewish people to honor their parents, so that they may live long in the land that God is giving them. (Exodus 20:12)  However, in the New Testament, the Apostle Paul elaborates further on this commandment in his letter to the Ephesians by adding – “Children, obey your parents….” (Ephesians 6:1 NIV)

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12 NIV)

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  ‘Honor your father and mother’ —which is the first commandment with a promise — ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” (Ephesians 6:1-3 NIV)

On the surface, this may seem like a minor issue, but a lot of churches and their congregants often have high expectations for their leaders…especially their pastors, based off the teachings found in the Word of God.  For example, in the Apostle Paul’s first letter to Timothy, he made explicit standards for the overseers of the church in regard to how they should manage their family affairs…especially their children.  The question is how this passage should be interpreted – force your children to be obedient or lead them into obedience, with all honesty.

“This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work…One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)” (I Timothy 3:1, 4-5 KJV, italics added for emphasis)

In regard to the preceding passages, it sounds like pastors should use all means possible, to include force (e.g. gravity), for ensuring their children are in subjection.  Unfortunately, many churches interpret this passage to mean forcing children into submission and, as a result, sometimes set the standards for pastors to unrealistic expectations.  In reality, the word gravity is synonymous with honesty.  The word gravity is also referenced in Apostle Paul’s letter to Titus describing the character of believers – “In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, sound speech….”  (Titus 2:7-8 KJV, italics added for emphasis)   In other words, church pastors should have their children in subjection with “all honesty”…not force.

This clarification about doing things in “all honesty” helps explain the often overlooked fourth verse, of Ephesians 6, about children obeying their parents…which also ties together the other verses.  The overall theme of the verses actually emphasize children obeying their parents “in the Lord” and fathers bringing up their children “in the training and instruction of the Lord.”  Additionally, the term obey [your parents] is actually referring to children intensely listening to their parents instructions.  So with all honesty, parents are to make a difference in their children’s lives by instilling Biblical principles and depending on God to make the changes.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:1, 4 NIV, italics added for emphasis)

The deeper meaning among the relationships between parents and their children is not so much one of children obeying their parents in every little detail of life, but rather one of children honoring their parents…as commanded in the Ten Commandments.  In conclusion, Christian parents need to realize the unique role they have in developing their children’s personal and spiritual lives – in that one day their children will hopefully honor them, God-willing, by living out their adult lives according to the teachings of God instilled by their parents and passing them onto the future generations.